What Self-Care Looks Like Sometimes (The Downside)



To be honest, life has been great since I discovered the word "self-care". I remember just how much I used to push myself over the limit and most times just to please other people. Neglecting myself (feelings, etc) was a norm and I thought that was okay. I didn't know better.

Then I started thinking about starting my own blog. Slowly, I read up on self-care and it's been a game changer! I started thinking about my old habits, I knew I could do better. I have been practicing self-care and I'm happy to go and read up on how others practice it. Like I said before, I define self-care as taking good care of yourself so yourself can take better care of you. Again, it makes sense, I promise.

As I started to practice self-care, I realised that it isn't and won't always look pretty. Here's what self-care can look like sometimes:

"A bad friend"
When you've been a people pleaser for quite some time and the people are kind of used to it, once you take away that privilege to become better for yourself, you may be seen as a bad friend. People become so used to having you however they want that when you start "switching up", you become the villain. Don't be discouraged by this, put those healthy boundaries in place.

"Distant"
Of course you'll be a little distant. You're starting to make things about you and not others. You're making time for the things you actually want to do and not imposing other people's stuff onto you.

"Negligent"
When you leave one thing for the other, for instance, when you decide that today you won't be doing any cleaning because you want to rest, some people can see that as negligence. Others are invested in society's believe of "a house must always be clean, especially a woman's". So when you decide to skip on that and replace it with some self-care, some may not get it. You may get a "find a way to squeeze both in" lesson. My point on this one is, there could be those who believe that self-care is a temporary solution to what could be an even bigger problem that could require medical attention instead. The truth is you know you more, if something needed medical attention I believe you'd know, but putting self-care on hold and associating everything with medical emergency sounds off to me.




There's so may opinions regarding self-care. It's an ongoing conversation but I strongly think that it is very necessary and needed. Pushing yourself too far just to make someone else happy sounds very unhealthy. I've been there. What are your thoughts on the conversation of self-care?



Disclaimer: views expressed in this post are my own and do not eliminate the need for medical attention. Be sure to talk to the relevant people should you need help regarding your health.

32 comments

  1. I couldn’t agree more with this post! I was such a people pleaser always worrying what others will think and feel and in that I ended up forgetting myself. I no longer do that I learnt it the hard way but I am glad that I did.

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    1. I'm happy to hear that you've learned. People pleasing is not worth it. πŸ’›

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  2. I recently heard a saying 'don't say yes to others if you're saying no to yourself,' which aligns with your post, imo. Being a people pleaser or worrying about what everyone else thinks are exhausting. I appreciate that you're looking at self care from another angle. Thanks.

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    1. Wow! Amazing words. That quote is one of the amazing ones I've heard of and I agree with it. Thanks so much for dropping by! :)

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  3. Although the points you make might sound bad, when you’re doing them from a good place, a place which is you trying to be a better version of yourself for the lo haul, then the people around you should understand :)

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    1. Absolutely! The people who are really your people wouldn't make you feel bad for practicing self-care. Some may see it as something completely selfish. The downside.

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  4. Ah I love this! I've been putting myself first more this summer and I've been called a bad friend/family member a fair few times for doing it, and a couple of people have mentioned me being more distant - but if people truly care about you they should support you doing the best thing for yourself. Thank you so much for sharing x

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    1. For sure! I mean, if people really care about you, then taking some time off for yourself shouldn't be a problem to them.

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  5. I completely agree that self-care can look like a lot of the things you’ve mentioned in this post. It’s important to set healthy boundaries and give yourself the time and space you need to take care of yourself. That was the hardest part for me especially when you’re used to keeping others around you happy. Thank you for sharing!

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    1. One of the hardest things to do has be setting those healthy boundaries but it's very necessary x

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  6. I love this post, I think it gets easier to put yourself first the older you get, if you have the right people around you, they'll understand. Thanks for sharing. Sarah https://sarahcollinsbookworm.wordpress.com

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    1. Thank you so much, Sarah, for mentioning that :)

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  7. I think you’ve written this post perfectly and I think a lot of people, myself included, will relate to this post. I’m someone who always neglects my own feelings to please other people and it’s something I’m slowly but surely working on. I worry about coming across as a ‘bad friend’ but I now realise just how important it is to look after number one. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. It’s a great read Xo

    Elle - ellegracedeveson.com

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  8. It does sound a bit selfish, but its important for us. Being distant and have time for us.

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  9. This is great information. Honestly, I think the negative stigma that is placed on those who try to make time to make themselves a priority is the exact reason why so many people do end up neglecting themselves. It's important to talk about it and recognize that if people are upset, that's okay! You still need to carve out that important time for yourself because you ARE a priority in your own life.

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    1. Right?! You can't take care of others if you're failing to take care of yourself. It's that simple.

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  10. Definitely agree with all of these! Around 2020 I found and learned more about self-care and that year totally changed my life. I started to take care myself more and say no more often to toxic people around me. Thanks for sharing this :)

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    1. Self-care is a necessity in my opinion. So happy you've started taking care of yourself more πŸ’›

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  11. I'm somebody who is a people pleaser, but I am learning the art of saying no and it is so freeing! x

    Lucy Mary

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  12. Such a great post and I totally agree with all of it. I've cancelled plans recently and possible been seen as a bad friend, but I don't care! My choice these days is say no, or make my anxiety levels worse. If I offend people, that's on them!

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    1. Putting yourself first and making some choices that make you happy, that's gold. I'm happy for you πŸ’›

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  13. I absolutely agree about the importance of self care. I believe it’s important to keep our self healthy in order to help others (like the airplane analogy). My priorities may be very different to others priorities, and that’s okay.

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    1. That's absolutely okay. So happy you dropped by! πŸ™‚

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  14. This is very well put! I’ve been in “bad friend” mode trying to finish a couple projects and get some time for myself.

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  15. This is a great piece on self-care. I think that self care can be something that makes you have to make difficult decisions or look at yourself and put yourself first. I think if you friends are the right friends will understand you having to put yourself first. Thank you for sharing.

    Lauren - bournemouthgirl

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    1. Good friends will definitely understand. Thank you so much for dropping by! πŸ’›

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  16. I love this post so much. It is so important to be on top of your self care game!

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    1. Very true. Thanks so much for dropping by! πŸ’›

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